(wahahahaha! maaf geje.)

Dari semua itu, kita ini seringnya lihat fisik. Mengejar kesempurnaan. Tapi apa yang indah di mata kita itu adalah yang terbaik? Kita nggak pernah tahu. Tapi kalau kita terus berputar-putar pada kesempurnaan fisik, ya sampai mati pun kita nggak akan nemu yang bener, karena sudah sifat alami kita untuk tidak pernah puas.

Nobody’s perfect, why bother find any? (a quote from my friend)

But unfortunately, some people are trapped in conflict, hatred, groundless-hatred. For some simple example, two people who just can’t get along because they have different personality. Or in bigger scale such as Indonesian and Malaysian conflict. Even though they shared same race, they still can’t step aside their own differences by insulting other language or even economic situation.

One of  my biggest concern in this war-peace matter, is the religion conflict. Israel-Palestine (although it’s not about religion at all, but at some point, this issue is pointing to religious matter) for example. This unlikely-ended conflict continues, it’s because there is big ego, the abstain to share with others, or like in India-Pakistan in Kashmir independence, religion is one matter that said as a source of problem. But this is sad, people hate each other because religion. Religion is pure, but we use it as our shitty defense, an excuse to hurt others. War is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner for them.

Those unlucky people are longing peace. Not like I, or whoever read this who lived in peace at their home. But somehow we just keep on hating each other for little things we’ve done.

Every religion basically teach us to love. Love humans, animals, environment, and God of course. Love and religion are like  soul-mate, they can’t be separated. If we hate our differences, then why God created us in great diversity? Okay, if you don’t believe in God or religion, just ask yourself, what would you prefer most? Be in peace or in war? It’s on our conscience as human. We humans love peace.

We was born in unique ways but we can’t choose how we would look like or to be in what family in which country. But  we can choose to love or to hate. It’s not about other people, or other thing. The choice is always on our hands.

And now this time, concerning my big ramble, I’ll try to spread more love. To step aside the differences between humans. And at the end, I hope that I can be a loving person. A person that can warm somebody’s heart like they warm mine. This is my big resolution, lifetime resolution. So how about you? Have you spread love for your life today?

*P.S.: Sorry for the international issue example, since I am an Int. Relations student, I just got the idea of example from it. :p

Most people in my country hate Malaysians. But I play some internet game, and my best friend is Malaysian. Why can’t we all just get along?

Yes, I feel it right now.

Maybe this only make this blog become more useless. But please let me give a touch of emotion, maybe not ‘a’ touch, but many touches.

People always said, aging is not a choice, but being mature is a choice. I think that’s right. And for me, I never really choose to be mature.

Once I ever ask God, to take me before I am seventeen. So I died young, didn’t feel anything that people call it ‘the dark side of life’.

But God have other plan, I grow up, and yeah, here I am. Living a life that I, myself don’t know what to do.

I just do the best that I can. But almost everything I did, is not really I wanted. I just do it because I have to. Why do I have to take the responsibilities? Dunno. I just did.

Yeah, and I just figured out that my nature is not to be around people. I prefer working alone. Sounds selfish and stupid? Yeah. But hell, that’s me. But other side of me said I want to be alone because I don’t want to hurt people. When I’m around, people just get hurt, either because of my ego, or my temper. And I never want that to happen.

So if I started to get close to other people, I just go, vanished. So, I lost the opportunities ahead, that might happen if I don’t go. If I wasn’t so coward.

Maybe, deep down, I just want a peaceful life. Maybe I don’t need so many friends, I just need some best friends, true friends. Like I have when I was a child.

Peter Pan would say…

…but I just want to be a child forever, never grow up, and live a life that always white…

In the end, I’ll just have to keep move on. God’s still have plans for me.

*obrolan panas di sore hari yang dingin*

I don’t want to lose my idealism. I’ve seen people losing their idealism on politics. But why?

Tetapi karena agama, mungkin juga adat ketimuran, perempuan tidak bisa sepenuhnya menjadi diri sendiri. Harus rela menjadi pengikut dari seorang lelaki, harus berpakaian, bersikap, dan hidup dengan aturan yang lebih mengekang dari lelaki. Selalu perempuan…

Haruskah seperti itu? Kalau begitu lebih baik jangan ciptakan perempuan dengan otak saja, agar mereka tidak perlu menjadi pintar, agar mereka tidak membangkang. Ciptakan saja mereka dengan naluri bertahan hidup, untuk makan, berkembang biak, dan mengurus anak. Biar yang mendidik anak hanya lelaki, dan biar lelaki tidak perlu iri lagi dengan perempuan yang berjaya.

Bahkan di perkotaan besar ini, masih ada yang berkata: “Perempuan itu nggak perlu sekolah tinggi-tinggi…”

Oh, aku pengikut-Mu yang bodoh… Aku dengan pikiran radikalku… Dan mereka mungkin akan berkata aku telah tersesat sejauh-jauhnya. Tapi aku tahu, Tuhan, Engkau tidak pernah menjadi jahat. Engkau tidak menciptakan perempuan untuk menjadi budak bukan? Menjadi budak peradaban, yang dibodoh-bodohi, dipaksa untuk selalu tunduk dan menjadi lebih rendah, mendapat stigma diantara banyak lelaki yang berhasil lolos dari aib mereka sendiri, disiksa, disalahkan, dengan alasan agama maupun adat. Engkau bukan menciptakan kami untuk itu bukan? Maka bolehkanlah aku menjadi diriku sendiri…

Apakah esensi dari kain penutup kepala itu? Aku masih merasa kalau itu hanya simbol hingga hari ini. Yang terpenting itu adalah menjaga hati, menjaga nafsu.

Tuhan, tolong buat para lelaki itu bisa menjaga nafsu mereka tanpa harus menyuruh kami menjadi apa yang bukan diri kami,menyuruh kami menutup seluruh rambut kami, kecuali atas kehendak kami sendiri. Janganlah juga mereka menyuruh kami tidak memanfaatkan ilmu kami dengan melarang kami untuk memilih jalan hidup. Janganlah juga mereka menyuruh kami untuk bersabar, sementara mereka bersenang-senang lupa akan kami.

Dan mungkin mereka akan berkata lagi, “Terkutuklah kamu…”

-agama, wanita, jilbab, kodrat, feminisme-

Selama aku masih bisa menjaga hati dan perilakuku..

Aku dan pemikiran radikalku…