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I always love to see loving people, to have my heart warmed by love. Hahaha! Maybe I’m a sentimental person after all. I smile when I see people happy. I love to see those bright eyes of happy people. Sometimes I envy some of my friend’s photo with family, with their best friends, or with their lover.  Maybe it’s because I don’t have best friend (even though I called them my best, I’m not their best), or a perfect family. Ah, enough whining. Hmm, yeah, I’d like to admit that I hate conflicts, yes of course, everybody hates conflict. When in conflicts, the world seems like hell. Read the rest of this entry »


Most people in my country hate Malaysians. But I play some internet game, and my best friend is Malaysian. Why can’t we all just get along?

Have you ever feel tired? Sicken by life?

Yes, I feel it right now.

Maybe this only make this blog become more useless. But please let me give a touch of emotion, maybe not ‘a’ touch, but many touches.

People always said, aging is not a choice, but being mature is a choice. I think that’s right. And for me, I never really choose to be mature.

Once I ever ask God, to take me before I am seventeen. So I died young, didn’t feel anything that people call it ‘the dark side of life’.

But God have other plan, I grow up, and yeah, here I am. Living a life that I, myself don’t know what to do.

I just do the best that I can. But almost everything I did, is not really I wanted. I just do it because I have to. Why do I have to take the responsibilities? Dunno. I just did.

Yeah, and I just figured out that my nature is not to be around people. I prefer working alone. Sounds selfish and stupid? Yeah. But hell, that’s me. But other side of me said I want to be alone because I don’t want to hurt people. When I’m around, people just get hurt, either because of my ego, or my temper. And I never want that to happen.

So if I started to get close to other people, I just go, vanished. So, I lost the opportunities ahead, that might happen if I don’t go. If I wasn’t so coward.

Maybe, deep down, I just want a peaceful life. Maybe I don’t need so many friends, I just need some best friends, true friends. Like I have when I was a child.

Peter Pan would say…

…but I just want to be a child forever, never grow up, and live a life that always white…

In the end, I’ll just have to keep move on. God’s still have plans for me.

” Take all the fires on me
It`s all my desire
But you just surrender
Take all the pain in your dreams…”

~Homogenic – Kekal

Jadi saya kembali dalam kebiasaan lama saya. Melamun, tapi lebih tepatnya disebut menjadikan diri selain manusia. Imajinasi terbang, seolah saya hanyalah sebuah wujud yang tidak terlihat, tidak tersentuh. Memperhatikan manusia di sekitar.

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Dialog ngga penting.

S: (Mencoba gaun baru, lalu keluar kamar) “Ssst! Hei! Hei!”

J: “Waaaaaaaw! Cantik!” (terkesima)

S: (Balik lagi ke kamar, ganti gaun, keluar lagi) “Hoi! Hoi!”

J: “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” (gila sendiri)

S: (Ganti gaun lagi, keluar lagi) “Ehem!”

J: “Cukup! Cukup! Ntar bisa mimisan!”

S: …. (Bingung)

Iseng-iseng buka akun Friendster saya yang telah lama ditinggalkan. Wah, jadi ingat lagi, zaman dahulu itu saya alay. Suka banget sama ‘sticky caps’. Lalu terpikirlah untuk bernostalgia sejenak. Mengingat kekonyolan-kekonyolan di masa muda. *merasa tua*

Salah satu bukti ke-alay-an saya dalam testimonial seorang kawan.

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